The Things That I Am Not Allowed To Do In The Musain
by RainWillMakeTheFlowersGrow
Summary: well, the title kinda says it all...
1. Chapter 1

Bonjour Readers! This is the one i promised i would do after i finished The Flame That Never Dies! So, voila. U can review if u have more!

The Things I Am NOT Allowed To Do In The Musain.

I am not allowed to make fun of Eponine on Valentine's day.

I am not allowed to replace Grantriare's wine with sparkling grape juice.

I am not allowed to steal Enjolras' flag. He is touchy about that.

I am not allowed to steal Enjolras' vest, wear it, and then tell the other Amis that my boyfriend gave it to me.

I am not allowed to tell Fantine that she's missing some teeth.

I am not allowed to tell Javert he looks like he belongs in Beauxbatons.

I am not allowed to tell Javert that I don't like stars.

I am not allowed to ask Jean Valjean if I can borrow some bread.

I am not allowed to make fun of the LAWR in front of Javert.

I am not allowed to tell Eponine that she and Marius would look cute together.

I am not allowed to tell Cosette that Madame Thenardier is lurking in her bedroom.

I am not allowed to spray paint the barricade blue with polka dots.

I am not allowed to tell Cosette to fetch some water from the well in the woods.

I am not allowed to tell Marius that Cosette ditched him for Grantraire.

I am not allowed to tell Enjolras I love him.

I am not allowed to tell the National Guard that there is a pizza party for them at the next barricade down.

I am not allowed to order pizza for the barricade.

Or soda.

I am not allowed to tell Gavroche that I kicked a pup.

I am not allowed to march around Paris singing Do You Hear The People Sing and then making sure they do.

I am not allowed to tell Enjolras that I just don't hear the people sing.

I am not allowed to tell Marius that Napoleon is dead.

I am not allowed to ask Marius what happened at waterloo with a confused expression.


	2. Chapter 2: There are MORE!

I am not allowed to give Jean Valjean love notes to Cosette from assorted men.

I am not allowed to hug Joly and then tell him I have pneumonia.

I am not allowed to repeatedly ask Bossuet what his name is, and then say, "Are you _sure_?"

I am not allowed to ask Jean Valjean if he's having an identity crisis.

I am not allowed to flirt with both Joly and Bossuet.

I am not allowed to ask Javert if he wants to go swimming.

I am not allowed to ask the Bishop for a list of good deeds.

I am not allowed to constantly say that Bahorel can't be a member of Les Amis de la Abaisse, because he wasn't in the musical.

I am not allowed to tell Javert that Madame Thenardier is secretly in love with him.

I am not allowed to tell Javert that Eponine is secretly in love with him.

I am not allowed to tell Javert that _anyone_ is secretly in love with him.

I am not allowed to call Jehan J.P.

I am not allowed to tell Fantine that she looks "_Just_ like Anne Hathaway!"

I am not allowed to buy a wig made out of Fantine's hair and parade around in front of her wearing it.

I am not allowed to ask Eponine to sing "On My Own".

I am not allowed to tell Eponine and Enjolras that they are perfect for each other.

I am not allowed to tell Gavroche that it's totally random that he speaks in a Cockney accent.

I am not allowed to ask Thenardier to help me hide my valuables.

I am not allowed to tell Feuilly that he has absolutely no fangirls.

I am not allowed to make jokes about "fan"girls at Feuilly's expense.

I am not allowed to ask Jean Valjean if he can hear the people sing, and then crack jokes about old men.

I am not allowed to shout "Knock, knock!" to the National Guard.

I am not allowed to ask Javert what his star sign is.

I am not allowed to sing "Empty Chairs at Empty Tables" whenever the Amis are late to dinner.

I am not allowed to trust Jean Valjean with any personal documents, particularly if they're yellow.

I am not allowed to tell the Mizzies about the 1998 movie.

I am not allowed to tell Gavroche he is "cute".


	3. WOW THIS IS A LONG LIST OF RULES

I am not allowed to casually mention to Cosette the romantic song Marius sang with Eponine before she died.

I am not allowed to start humming "My Favorite Things" whenever I see Montparnasse carrying around a rose.

I am not allowed to tell Jean Valjean that Javert is behind him and then crack up as he jumps.

I am not allowed to draw a face on the back of Bossuet's head.

I am not allowed to tell Cosette that her castle just fell from Cloud Nine.

I am not allowed to say "Bless you," every time Javert says his name.

I am not allowed to tell Grantaire to take two Tylenol and call in the morning.

I am not allowed to say "And he's JAVERRRRRRRRT!" whenever I see Javert.

I am not allowed to sing in counterpoint every time Jean Valjean starts to say something.

I am not allowed to chide Jean Valjean for stealing.

I am not allowed to tell Fauchelevent that his cart is coming after him.

I am not allowed to yell, sobbing, to Les Amis as they go to build the barricade that they're all going to DIE!

I am not allowed to call Marius's grandfather a 'bloody royalist pig' whenever he says something.

I am not allowed to steal bread and then dance around with it when Javert is tied up in the Musain.

I am not allowed to shout, "Are you sure you don't want your teddy bear?" to Enjolras as he waves a flag atop the barricade.

I am not allowed to ask Gavroche about his political views.

I am not allowed to ask Jean Valjean what the sewers smell like.

I am not allowed to tell Enjolras that Marius _does _care about his own lonely soul, thank you very much.

I am not allowed to tell Gavroche that his father stole things from the dead revolutionaries.


	4. Wait, we came up with more!

**A/N: In this chapter! Lots and lots of Enjolras (...doubt anybody's complaining...) and lots and lots of asterisks!**

I am not allowed to call Javert "Darling Javvie" in front of the Prefect.

I am not allowed to tell Enjolras that the point of knock-knock jokes is not to be shot after the other person says, "Who's there?"*

I am not allowed to try and use French phrases that I have no idea of the meaning of just to impress the Amis. Enjolras gave me a funny look when I said he was, "_A le vin gai"** _

I am not allowed to tell Javert to stop referring to himself in the third person. It is, after all, the first sign of madness. ***

I am not allowed to ask Enjolras, "Do you permit it?" before I do anything.

I am not allowed to say, "_I _think we should build a barricade," whenever anyone asks me my opinion.

I am not allowed to tell Valjean that Fantine is cheating on him with Javert.

I am not allowed to ask Valjean for pointers on escaping from prison.

I am most definitely not allowed to do this in front of Javert.

I am not allowed to make fun of Jehan's poetry.

I am not allowed to inform Cosette that everybody hates her just because she got the guy.

I am not allowed to scoff at all of Enjolras' speeches.

I am not allowed to call Cosette a 'lovely lady' and then say, "Oops...I forgot about the song."

I am not allowed to fall to the floor writhing in pain when Cosette and Éponine sing that incredibly high note at the end of 'A Heart Full of Love'.

I am not allowed to make up a lot of ridiculous nicknames for Jean Valjean, including "Sweetie Valsweetiepie".

And then use them in front of Cosette.

Or Javert.

Or Fantine.

Or...anybody he holds in any sort of respect.

I am not allowed to call a certain Ami L'aesglessuetdemeaux. After all, who really cares if he can't spell his own name?

I am not allowed to pronounce 'Thenardier' with a 'thin' at the beginning in front of him.

I am not allowed to hum, 'Master of the House' whenever we are about to eat beef or sausage.

* Thank you…er…Guest!

** To be hilariously drunk.

*** Thank you to another Guest who we actually know.


	5. Chapter 5

More! sorry for the wait, please forgive me...This is just the awesome nonitalicised person...my other half seems to have forgotten about yall...a thousand pardons! :) here they are! tell meh waht yah think, oh-kahy? Thahnks. oh, and one other thing-

**THERE IS LA MARSEILLAIS IN HERE! YAY!**

I am not allowed to dress Gavroche in cute overalls.

I am not allowed to steal Jean Prouvaire's poetry.

I am not allowed to steal Jean Prouviare's flowers.

I am not allowed to steal Jean Prouvaire's odd choices in clothing and laugh.

I am not allowed to steal Jean Prouvaire's anything, including Jean Prouvaire himself.

I am not allowed to tie Enjolras up and stroke his hair.

I am not allowed to tell Jean Valjean that it is just *slightly* creepy that he goes up to a little girl in the woods at night wearing a trench coat and demands she tell him her name and where she lives…

I am not allowed to punch the National Guards' lights out.

Scratch that. I am allowed to punch the National Guards' lights out, I doubt many people would stop me.

I am not allowed to scream "THERE IS NO WAY TO GO OOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNN!" at the high dive at my swimming pool.

I am not allowed to make sure Javert carries a life vest at all times.

I am not allowed to steal Courfeyrac's hat.

I am not allowed to tell Feuilly that Poland was under the domination of another country for over 70% of its existence. (true story. I had to look it up for a report I did.)

I am not allowed to give Gavroche cookies.

I am NOT allowed to give Azelma sugar of ANY sort.

I am not allowed to make Derek the leader of the revolution all of a sudden.

I am not allowed to give Derek honor medals for saving the barricade unless Enjolras tells me I can.

I am not allowed to start singing Do You Hear The People Sing whenever I see Les Amis.

I am not allowed to ask the National Guard if they want cookies.

I am not allowed to kill various characters whenever it suits me.

I am not allowed to give all the Barricade Boys machine guns.

Scratch that, I think I will give all the Barricade Boys machine guns!

I am not allowed to tell Marius that black is not a nice color on him.

I am not allowed to drink on the barricade.

I am not allowed to drink with Les Amis in general, as I am not 21.

I am not allowed to drink with Les Amis and pretend it is Pepsi.

I AM allowed to sing La Marseillais REALLY LOUDLY WHENEVER I CAN.

**ALLONS ENFANTS DE LA PATRIE  
LE JOUR DE GLOIRE EST ARRIVÉ !  
CONTRE NOUS DE LA TYRANNIE  
L'ÉTENDARD SANGLANT EST LEVÉ  
ENTENDEZ-VOUS DANS NOS CAMPAGNES  
MUGIR CES FÉROCES SOLDATS?  
ILS VIENNENT JUSQUE DANS VOS BRAS.  
ÉGORGER VOS FILS, VOS COMPAGNES!**

_**AUX ARMES CITOYENS**_**_  
FORMEZ VOS BATAILLONS  
MARCHONS, MARCHONS  
QU'UN SANG IMPUR  
ABREUVE NOS SILLONS_**

**QUE VEUT CETTE HORDE D'ESCLAVES  
DE TRAÎTRES, DE ROIS CONJURÉS?  
POUR QUI CES IGNOBLES ENTRAVES  
CES FERS DÈS LONGTEMPS PRÉPARÉS?  
FRANÇAIS, POUR NOUS, AH! QUEL OUTRAGE  
QUELS TRANSPORTS IL DOIT EXCITER?  
C'EST NOUS QU'ON OSE MÉDITER  
DE RENDRE À L'ANTIQUE ESCLAVAGE!**

**QUOI CES COHORTES ÉTRANGÈRES!  
FERAIENT LA LOI DANS NOS FOYERS!  
QUOI! CES PHALANGES MERCENAIRES  
TERRASSERAIENT NOS FILS GUERRIERS!  
GRAND DIEU! PAR DES MAINS ENCHAÎNÉES  
NOS FRONTS SOUS LE JOUG SE PLOIERAIENT  
DE VILS DESPOTES DEVIENDRAIENT  
LES MAÎTRES DES DESTINÉES.**

**TREMBLEZ, TYRANS ET VOUS PERFIDES  
L'OPPROBRE DE TOUS LES PARTIS  
TREMBLEZ! VOS PROJETS PARRICIDES  
VONT ENFIN RECEVOIR LEURS PRIX!  
TOUT EST SOLDAT POUR VOUS COMBATTRE  
S'ILS TOMBENT, NOS JEUNES HÉROS  
LA FRANCE EN PRODUIT DE NOUVEAUX,  
CONTRE VOUS TOUT PRÊTS À SE BATTRE.**

**FRANÇAIS, EN GUERRIERS MAGNANIMES  
PORTEZ OU RETENEZ VOS COUPS!  
ÉPARGNEZ CES TRISTES VICTIMES  
À REGRET S'ARMANT CONTRE NOUS  
MAIS CES DESPOTES SANGUINAIRES  
MAIS CES COMPLICES DE BOUILLÉ  
TOUS CES TIGRES QUI, SANS PITIÉ  
DÉCHIRENT LE SEIN DE LEUR MÈRE!**

**NOUS ENTRERONS DANS LA CARRIÈRE  
QUAND NOS AÎNÉS N'Y SERONT PLUS  
NOUS Y TROUVERONS LEUR POUSSIÈRE  
ET LA TRACE DE LEURS VERTUS  
BIEN MOINS JALOUX DE LEUR SURVIVRE  
QUE DE PARTAGER LEUR CERCUEIL  
NOUS AURONS LE SUBLIME ORGUEIL  
DE LES VENGER OU DE LES SUIVRE!**

**AMOUR SACRÉ DE LA PATRIE  
CONDUIS, SOUTIENS NOS BRAS VENGEURS  
LIBERTÉ, LIBERTÉ CHÉRIE  
COMBATS AVEC TES DÉFENSEURS!  
SOUS NOS DRAPEAUX, QUE LA VICTOIRE  
ACCOURE À TES MÂLES ACCENTS  
QUE TES ENNEMIS EXPIRANTS  
VOIENT TON TRIOMPHE ET NOTRE GLOIRE!**

That was fun. Ok, back to the things i am not allowed to do.

I am not allowed to march around Paris today singing Do You Hear The People Sing.

I am not allowed to steal furniture, pile it up, and build a barricade today.

I am not allowed to start a "Seine-jumping Day" in honor of Javert.

I am not allowed to traverse the sewers of Paris.


End file.
